Michael and I view life a little differently. Many times over the nearly 30 years we've been married, while I'm busy identifying everything that went wrong, he is identifying the positives in every situation. I'm thinking about all the ways things didn't go the way we hoped they would, and he is looking at everything we learned. I'm rehearsing what we haven't yet achieved, while he is able to remember and keep in perspective everything we have achieved. I often get stuck in the weeds, while he usually remembers the big picture and can put things in context.
This ability of his to keep things in context and frame reality from a learning, growing, always changing, hopeful perspective is an incredible gift to me and to our team at Half a Bubble Out. He would tell you that there has been no short supply on teasing him about his optimism, but he challenges me to pull up out of the weeds and remember where we've come from and all that we have learned along the way. Michael's ability to reframe and find perspective is something that I deeply appreciate about him and have been working to grow and learn in.
Do you have anything in your life or business where you feel like you won't ever "crack the code"? Michael and I have big dreams and hopes for our business and while we have a lot to celebrate and be grateful for there are some areas where "cracking the code" has felt elusive. Early in January, during the season of resolutions and goal setting, I was wrestling with discouragement regarding some of my own struggles to grow and change, feeling like I was failing in some areas where I want to be further along. Michael stepped in and offered to help me think a bit differently about the topic and we ended up spending about 3 hours rehearsing and processing, framing and reframing where we have been, where we are and where we are going. He reminded me of how he sees me, where he sees growth in me personally and in our business, and what was worth celebrating.
No matter how I was feeling in the moment, there were simple truths about the context of our life that, when considered, allowed me to think differently about the current moment of disappointment. I filled three pages in my journal with simple truths about the journey we have been on for 20 years in business together as we head towards celebrating 30 years of marriage. It hasn't all been roses and unicorns, but we have built a life, a family, and a business with a great team of employees and some incredible customers. Here is where I landed that day.
It's important to celebrate success, to remember that we have done well along the way, while also knowing there are still big things to accomplish. It's okay to not be "there" yet, wherever there is!
While doing this exercise I was able to identify a tension that perhaps you struggle with too. I sometimes define "success" as arriving somewhere out there that hasn't happened yet. I see the gap and the not yet places too often and have to be reminded that how I view things and how others see me or see our business are not the same. Where I feel like a failure because I haven't "arrived" others see the larger picture of the journey. As we often tell our clients "it's hard to read the label from inside the bottle."
The thing about discouragement is that it can bring with it an irrational feeling that nothing is working. One situation is challenging and then suddenly everything feels challenging. It's a "stuck" place where the feeling becomes the tail that is wagging the dog. We tell ourselves that we haven't grown or changed, that we'll never figure things out, that it's all going to fall apart any second. Those big black and white words - never and always - take over our thinkingl We succumb to fear and anxiety and our judgment becomes compromised.
Feelings are a great gift and I would not want to be without them, yet when we allow our emotions to rule the day, it rarely ends well. Long ago I learned from a mentor of ours that we have the ability to speak truth to our emotions and tell them that while they matter, they aren't in charge. He painted an image of essentially sending them to the corner for a "time out." That is a part of what reframing does.
St. Paul in his second letter to the Corinthians advised them to "take every thought captive" recognizing that the battle for right thinking is a daily challenge. Asking ourselves "What is the truth in this situation?" is a very healthy question when we are struggling. If you're like me, there are days you might need someone outside your head to help you answer that correctly. A friend who knows you well, a spouse or another family member.
Are you struggling with discouragement or disappointment today? The feeling that where you are in life and where you think you should be are not the same? I encourage you to take an hour and do some reframing. Write down the positive things in life, the places you can be grateful and celebrate. Remind yourself of the larger context of decisions you made that were good decisions but perhaps meant you had to say no to something and sacrifice something. Every yes that we say is accompanied by multiple no's and that's okay. As I sit here and write this blog, I'm saying no to exercising or cleaning my house. It's a silly example but I hope you see the point.
You are on a journey and the story of your life is being written every day. It is a powerful gift to frame it with truth and hope.
